Divorce

Written by Diane Dennis for Portland Family Magazine

If the past is a predictor of the future, approximately half of all marriages will not last. According to statistics, 49 percent of American families will end in divorce. And, divorce is up there listed as one of the top most stressful circumstances in life. While most break-ups end after couple feels they've spent more than enough time in that lousy relationship, the first sigh of relief at the end is quickly replaced with a crushing plethora of emotions and grief. If all of this isn't enough, add kids to the mix and you have a tall mountain to climb to find balance and equilibrium. If you are right in the middle of a divorce there is a high probability that you will feel mixed up and scrambled. And, did I mention the holidays are coming? Not a good time to be down in the dumps, especially if you have kids.

There are tried and true palliative measures however, that can ease the tension, heal the wounds and keep the family together. Someone wise once said, "divorce ends the marriage, not the family." And, for those of you who have divorced with children know all too clearly that while divorce ends cohabitation, it does not end the ongoing communication and collaborative kid raising. So, it behooves us to work towards and find ways to forgive yourself as well as the Ex.

While the kids didn't have a say in the decision to divorce, parents owe them the possibility of a healthy and happy future. And, the best way to do that is heal yourself. Debbie Ford, author of "Spiritual Divorce," writes "You must look deeply into yourself and see your divorce not as the cause of your problems but as a symptom all your unhealed emotional issues." The old saying you can't change people, you can only work on yourself rings true when it comes to divorce. The decision to say good-bye ends working together as a couple and each of us are left with alone with ourselves to deal with–and if I may speak for myself, that is a huge work in progress.

As the holidays loom closer, now is a good time to take your emotional temperature and find some healthy measures for balance in your own life and most importantly restore a sense of safety and security with your kids.

Experts agree these are the most important self healing steps to take:

If you have ongoing emotional issues, seek professional help–is there a doctor in the house?
Use your alone time to search for deeper meanings in your life–self help books are a great start.
We all have choices: If you hate your job, look for another vocation–from teacher to singer, it can happen.
Take care of your physical self: Exercise and meditation reduces stress–no pain no gain!
Find something that feeds your soul: Start a hobby or take a class–Parlez vous francais?

If that isn't enough self work, here is another tip so that you won't be left high and dry during the holiday season when visitation rights dictate your kids to be at the other parent's home during holiday break. Plan ahead: Make sure you are surrounded by friends and have activities planned in advance. Most of all remember that time heals and your kids deserve healthy, happy parents. It's not too late to ring in the new year with a renewed sense of self and purpose for your family, regardless of the configuration.